I'd recently written to my TAT friends in an on-line email group that I found it hard to differentiate between thoughts and feelings, and I said that in a few rounds of email exchanges. Then I heard it, I didn't see it. I heard it in my voice, where my emotions and aliveness have always been on show. I was clearly in denial about my feelings, I could hear them, my feelings, in my voice; I was in denial about the nervousness and emotion that I feel in my throat and assume carries in my voice; I was ignoring the reality of my experience and writing what my self-image wanted to express. I have been living in my head, in my thoughts, in my beliefs, in my assumptions. I talk a lot to myself. When I have something to share, then sounds, words and talking are a preferred medium to communicate in; there are lots of words happening here.

A question often asked at TAT gatherings, especially of new visitors when they show up for the first time is, “Why are you here?" It is worth asking yourself that question even if it is not your first TAT retreat. Why are you here?

For myself, my answer is, why I am here is to learn; I want to ask and be asked questions in what I know will be the attentive and supportive, challenging space of TAT friends, old and new, on a journey of re-discovery.

When I first read the title for this weekend's retreat, “In the Quiet”, it resonated with me and split as “In” and “The Quiet” almost like the quiet was a place one could enter into, to be in it.

Two memories also cropped up of experiences, one from 1990 and the other in a recent Zoom meeting where I had complained I did not know silence. I commented that I knew stillness, but I did not know silence, as whenever I sit in stillness, the quiet is there but there's always a sound in my head. The sound in my head has been with me since the early 2000s, when I was initiated into a light and sound meditation practice. I never got the light. But the sound came in one day whilst I was driving, and it has never left me; it's a constant companion, a friend. The associated experience was when Paul Rezendes remarked in response to my statement about never knowing silence, he just said actually you can never have the silence—the silence has you! That stopped me in my tracks. I pondered the meaning of that during the last six weeks, and it connected for me with the “Footprints in the Sand” poem. To illustrate that I need to read two pertinent verses:

"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me."

"My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."

That connection made between the ever-present sound, and a higher power leaves me feeling grateful and in greater comfort on my journey home, especially, knowing the silence has me. The 1990 experience occurred during a week-long personal development course, “The Warriors Wisdom” in Taos, New Mexico, run by an Englishman called Stuart Wilde, during a specific event called “I am alone”. I will come back to that later.

*

I wonder what words, memories, images or experience came up or are coming up for you when you read the title of the TAT retreat, “In the Quiet”. Is that why you are here?

There are many dictionary and thesaurus meanings of quiet and “The Quiet”. For me personally the many various meanings seem to merge and converge into two words: equanimity and poise.

Equanimity points at two phrases dear to my heart, the first being “the peace that surpasses all understanding” and the second “be still and know that I am God”.

Poise to me indicates implicit balance and harmony.

Equanimity and Poise have been potential goals on my path, in my seeking. Oneness implies to me balance and harmony, and I think equanimity arises when one is whole and healthy.

*

If you're wondering about the glimpses beyond the other side of paradox, as far as I'm concerned there's nothing more paradoxical than nothing. I mentioned this to some TAT folks recently. When much younger I often said in a nihilistic tone “nothing really matters”.

Then one day I saw—I should really say heard—the alternative in those very words ”nothing matters”, an emphasis on the first word can imply that nothing does in fact matter! It is very, very, important, and then there is this whole business of spirit or nothingness, which of course is what we find at the heart of matter....

~ Thanks to Rob Lloyd-Owen ... excerpted from a presentation he made at the April 2021 TAT virtual gathering. Please email Reader Commentary to the .

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TAT Foundation News

It's all about "ladder work" – helping and being helped

Downloadable/rental versions of the Mister Rose video and of April TAT talks Remembering Your True Desire:

"You don't know anything until you know Everything...."

Mister Rose is an intimate look at a West Virginia native many people called a Zen Master because of the depth of his wisdom and the spiritual system he conveyed to his students. Profound and profane, Richard Rose was not the kind of man most people picture when they think of mystics or spiritual teachers. Yet, he was the truest of teachers, one who had "been there," one who had the cataclysmic experience of spiritual enlightenment.

Filmed in the spring of 1991, the extraordinary documentary follows Mr. Rose from a radio interview, to a university lecture and back to his farm, as he talks about his experience, his philosophy and the details of his life.

Whether you find him charming or offensive, fatherly or fearsome, you will not forget him, and never again will you think about yourself, reality, or life after death in quite the same way.

3+ hours total. Rent or buy at tatfoundation.vhx.tv/.

2012 April TAT Meeting – Remembering Your True Desire

Includes all the speakers from the April 2012 TAT meeting: Art Ticknor, Bob Fergeson, Shawn Nevins and Heather Saunders.

1) Remembering Your True Desire ... and Acting on It, by Art Ticknor
Spiritual action is like diving for the Pearl beyond Price. What do you do when you don't know what to do or how to do it? An informal discussion centered around the question: "What prevents effective spiritual action?"

2) Swimming in the Inner Ocean: Trips to the Beach, by Bob Fergeson
A discussion of the varied ways we can use in order to hear the voice of our inner ocean, the heart of our true desires.

3) A Wider and Wilder Vision, by Shawn Nevins
Notes on assumptions, beliefs, and perspectives that bind and free us.

4) Make Your Whole Life a Prayer, by Heather Saunders
An intriguing look into a feeling-oriented approach to life.

5+ hours total. Rent or buy at tatfoundation.vhx.tv/.

Return to the main page of the March 2022 TAT Forum.

Did you enjoy the Forum? Then buy the book! Beyond Mind, Beyond Death is available at Amazon.com.

 

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